What Not to Do on a First Date – Dr Pam Spurr

We are talking all things dating on the blog this week so who better to catch up with than our friend Dr Pam! Dating and relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr is on hand to talk us through what not to do on a first date! Get dating savvy in time for Spring with our ultimate guide to dating don’t s!

Six Things Not to Do on a First Date

By dating and relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr, on Twitter @drpamspurr and online www.drpam.co.uk

For my recent dating guide I grilled lots of single men and women about their pet hates. Especially with first dates, a few themes repeatedly emerged as vibe-killers.

The problem is the smallest thing can jeopardise having a second date. You thought he was attracted to you? Then he doesn’t message or ring. He thought you fancied him, but something put you right off.

The last thing I want is for you to be disappointed if you like him. And he doesn’t get in touch again after that fateful first date.

My latest book is for single women. But rest assured I’ve written plenty of advice for men over the years about what women tell me they want from his behaviour on a first date.

So take these six things on board:

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 1: No ex-chat – One of the easiest first date blunders is to slip into chatting about your ex – how awful he was, how he hurt you, he almost put you off men, etc. You might plan not to mention the ex, but find it hard to resist.

What did the guys say about this? It tells him you’re focused on your past instead of enjoying an evening with the oh-so-wonderful him.

Of course you’ll both talk about exes at some point, just not on the first date. Or at least not much detail!

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 2: Food glorious food – This’ll seem pretty crazy, but if you pick at your food (maybe due to nerves, maybe due to undo worry about weight) men notice. It tells their subconscious you find it hard to ‘let go’.

Men love a woman enjoys her food. It signals she has a life-embracing personality. And don’t forget enjoying food’s associated with enjoying sex.

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 3: Avoid the desperate-Debbie attitude – One thing men were astute about picking up was when a woman’s desperate to be liked. The woman who agrees with everything he says, who asks him to choose where you two go, who doesn’t have an opinion – unattractive!

Confidence is a sexy trait. So share your opinions, tell him your preferences for restaurants, etc., be yourself.

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 4: Your checklist – Don’t underestimate the power of men to work out you’re ticking things off your checklist during the date. Yes, they see the sparkle in your eye as you work out they earn a fair amount, have good prospects, etc.

Likewise they see your eyes glaze over as they fail to tick other boxes on your list. Go into any first date open-minded that he has loads of potential. Even if he doesn’t immediately match up to your checklist.

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 5: No-sex sexiness – Flirting makes the world go round, it feels so good! But taking flirting straight to full-on sex on the first date’s a different matter.

Because surprisingly the majority of men don’t want sex on the first date. They’d rather feel more confident going to bed with you.

Crucially what do you want? If looking for no strings-flings, have sex on your terms – and when you want it. But if looking for more than a fling, think twice about jumping straight into bed. Yes, your best pal slept with her now-husband on their first date, but that’s the minority.

First Date Vibe-Killer No. 6: The LBD – A little black dress can be sexy, fun and you can look gorgeous in one. But research into colour shows many men are very drawn to colourful styles.

So unless it’s somewhere where a LBD is perfect, definitely dump the black for spring.

Pam’s dating guide is here > http://tinyurl.com/nmmrs43

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